i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
