So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize