yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
