just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
