what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
