Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
