Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
