dude i'm inner monologue high
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
