New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
