hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize