how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
