U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
