OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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