I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
