So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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