it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
