So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
