In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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