hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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