Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
