can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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