I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
