dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
