Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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