"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You can't just leave with hair like that
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
