dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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