The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
