Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i think i have two assholes
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just want nice things and good sex
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
