I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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