3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
