I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
