Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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