dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
