I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
