It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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