I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it glows. i had to have it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
