her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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