she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
