Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
