my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
