last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
