I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
