But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
