we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
