You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
