My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
