if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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