Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
