On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
