How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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