I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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