The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
People in love make me want to vomit
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize