if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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