My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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