Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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