They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
