Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
