Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
