I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
