Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
