Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
