My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
