pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
