You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
