Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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