Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
