Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
