It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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