So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it hurts more in the daytime
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Be still, my beating vagina.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
