You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
time to smoke my breakfast
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
