Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
