So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
