just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
