THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
